funny

This, people -- this is the face of DUI. The scrunched-up, self-tanned, high-brought-low, comeuppance-enhanced face of DUI. A simulated re-enactment of the Lohan's just-wrapped trial: Lindsay Lohan: What? What did that bitch say? Lawyerlady: That "bitch" is your judge, and she just sent you to jail...

And here we have diminutive dreamboat Elijah Wood, out for a night on the town in the passenger seat of a MINI. He's acting like it's not his, like it belongs to his friend/personal assistant/other, but c'mon dude: we know. We know, okay? Elijah, if you're reading this -- and statistically, there's...

Roughly 234 years ago, we said "smell ya later" to Great Britain. And today -- before we break into the Jack Daniels, PBR, and other appropriately American, appropriately adult beverages -- we would like to remind you why: Once again, England has come between us and something we love. Before us...

Yes, that's Naomi Campbell, in the photo found at the link below. Yes, she's wearing a knee-length fur vest. No, we don't know anyone who would actually buy a knee-length fur vest, though it might be of interest to wealthy amputees. No, we don't know what it's made from, but it's likely real mink...

At first, we were just going to say something catty about Hilary Duff in the photo behind the link below. You know, maybe something about the fact that she's going to the gym in Louboutins, which can only mean that she's finally broken down and agreed to take that damn stripper aerobics class --...

And so it came to pass, in the year of Our Lady Gaga 03 (commonly known as 2010), a plague settled upon the House of Sheen. The Patriarch (commonly known as Charlie) was beset by lawsuits and community theatre, and at some point, his automobiles launched a revolt. In layman's terms: a Mercedes...

Possible reasons that Charlie Sheen is smiling in the photo at the link below: 1. That whole business about his Mercedes S-Class tumbling over a cliff under very suspicious circumstances has been mostly forgotten. 2. The guy already has a new Mercedes sedan in his driveway. 3. As part of Sheen's...

Yes, you read that headline correctly: last Wednesday, Jack Osbourne's ex-girlfriend, Niki Cloyd, allegedly popped over to Jack's house, whipped out her keys, and went at his Aston Martin DBS like a gangster taking a shiv to a snitch's ribs. We laughed for a minute, wondering how the key to a 1985...

The A-Team opens on June 11, and just to make sure that its target audience of 35 - 50-year-old men (aka, The People Old Enough to Remember Mr. T) know the film is en route, several of the cast appeared on the racetrack in Charlotte over the Memorial Day weekend to make a lap before the NASCAR...

(To get yourself into this scene, follow the link below.) MARIAH: Looka here: I said you'd best find us a Mickey D's, and you'd best do it now. NICK: Aw, c'mon, baby. Ain't none of my homeboys ever seen a Rolls-Royce, much less a Phantom Drophead Coupe. MARIAH: It's "Coupé", dummy. NICK...

Here are some surprising things: ♦ Ken Paves and Victoria Beckham are not the same person. See 'em at the link below? There they are, sitting in traffic, side by side. It's apparently just a coincidence of plastic surgery that they have the same face. ♦ They both exist in daylight...

Okay, people: we get that bloodsucking is all the rage right now, but that doesn't mean we have to like it. Some of us endured the craze when it reared its pale, pasty head a couple of decades ago, and our wardrobes are still trying to crawl back toward the light. Now, we have hard evidence that...

We get weird things in the mail: love letters, bomb threats, talcum powder that's pretending to be anthrax, except it smells like diaper rash, so, you know, FAIL. We also get press releases. Press releases are frequently dull, occasionally informative, and nine times out of ten, hilarious. But one...

So let's pretend you're an auto brand -- one that used to project swanky, sexy sophistication, but now the average age of your customers is 72. Now let's pretend that you've finally booted your superstar golphilanderer to the curb, thus freeing up money for other promotions, which have slowly been...

Dear Teri Hatcher: We need answers -- in general, and to the following questions triggered by a peek at the photo linked below: 1) Who's your stylist? 2) Do you know that s/he didn't bother styling you today? 3) No, seriously: your hair looks like a wig that's been pulled from a Walmart bargain bin...

Five reasons to love Cameron Diaz, as evinced in the photo linked below: 1) She's not Charlize Theron. 2) She's not Kate Hudson. 3) She's not Blake Lively. 4) She's not Kristen Bell. 5) She's not Sarah Jessica Parker. (Not even close.) 6) She did softcore porn [SFW], then tried to say "Nuh-uh!"...

Twelve things we know for sure: 1) Zac Efron's million-dollar, teen-idol tuches has found a new resting place in an Audi A6, as we see in the photo linked below. 2) Given Zac's previous appearance in an Audi A5, we're not sure this is an upgrade. 3) In fact, it seems a little weird. 4) Zac seems to...

Dear Mischa Barton: Your ass has gone rogue. Again. xoxo CelebsandCars [TheSuperficial]

We're just going to come right out and say it: Kim Kardashian doesn't make sense. We've seen her on TV, rolling her hair and, occasionally, boxing. We've seen her roll through town in rides that cost more than the average two-bedroom condo in mid-level retirement villages. And we've rolled our eyes...

  Scandal rocked CelebsAndCars today -- and by "scandal", we mean a total non-scandal that we completely turned into a fake scandal while we were goofing off in the break room, hopped up on double lattes and day-old cinnamon scones. This is how we amuse ourselves on slow news days. So, what's the...