HOLY CRAP, YOU GUYS! DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS?
Don't stare, stupid monkeys. Just be quiet and act naturally.... Now pretend you're looking at something else -- that fire hydrant, maybe, or that halal vendor who's munching on a corndog between customers. Okay, now look over there. You see who that is, crossing the street with the Chanel bag?
I KNOW! Kate Whosiewhatsits! Maybe "Hawn"? No, I don't think it's "Hawn", even though it should be, because she's Goldie Hawn's daughter or something. Kate...oh, Kate Whatsherface. Used to date A-Rod. Anyway: her.
Quick: take a photo of us! I don't care if the guy's in it or not. That 'hawk is terrible, but I'll live if he's in the frame. Yeah, just pretend you're taking a picture of that dog who's peeing on my left back tire, but be sure her whole body is in the shot. Otherwise, no one will believe she was really here, in a Burberry half-trench in the middle of June. When she gets shipped off to the looney bin, I can sell that pic for millions: I SAW THE EARLY WARNING SIGNS!
Okay, lemme see. It's perfect! Now text it to me.... Dammit. If only I could tweet this out like that stupid Ford Fiesta. Oh, I was born too late!