Yes, you read that headline correctly: last Wednesday, Jack Osbourne's ex-girlfriend, Niki Cloyd, allegedly popped over to Jack's house, whipped out her keys, and went at his Aston Martin DBS like a gangster taking a shiv to a snitch's ribs. We laughed for a minute, wondering how the key to a 1985 Toyota Corolla (or whatever crazygirl drives) could even penetrate a Aston Martin's armor, much less cause $10,000 worth of damage. Then the gravity of the situation sunk in. Sad face.

Oh, and did we mention? A security camera caught the whole thing on tape. So she's smart, too. Way to pick 'em, Jack.

Bright and early Thursday afternoon, Osbourne marched right down to the courthouse to file a restraining order against Cloyd, fearing that she might do more damage to his property or -- less worrisome -- his person. The judge wasn't especially moved: basically, he said they deserved one another and suggested Jack avoid inviting her into his home. Which would be fine if she were just a vampire, but ex-girlfriends are in a totally different category.

[TMZ, PerezHilton]