Richard Read, Reporter
Articles
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Normally, we write in the Royal We around here, but today I'm breaking that rule because I'm going to say something kind of scandalous, and I don't want to bring any of my upstanding colleagues down...
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Tom Hanks Is All About Tahoe (The SUV, Not The Lake)Dear Mr. Hanks: Just to be clear, we're not morally opposed to the Chevrolet Tahoe. They are driven by our friends, neighbors, and even family members. (Well, distant family members.) They are an important patch of beige in the crazy quilt of American culture -- bland, perhaps, but they allow every...
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William Shatner's Fave Rides Seem Highly IllogicalWilliam Shatner was not always the hep-cat daddy-o he is today. Sure, he was a hot property in the 1960s, during the original run of Star Trek, but then the series was canceled, and there was that "Rocket Man" thing, and the $20,000 Pyramid, and before you knew it -- bam -- Shatner was the Erkel of...
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Vampire Chic Has Gone Too Far: Even Vanessa Hudgens Fears The SunOkay, people: we get that bloodsucking is all the rage right now, but that doesn't mean we have to like it. Some of us endured the craze when it reared its pale, pasty head a couple of decades ago, and our wardrobes are still trying to crawl back toward the light. Now, we have hard evidence that...
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Shia's Sensible, Sporty Chevy SilveradoDear Mr. LaBeouf: Clearly we have underestimated you. When you first appeared on the celebrity scene, we assumed that you were the next Josh Hartnett: young and handsome, but with limited long-term prospects. The damning evidence? Your drinking habits, and your personal brand of religion. Your...
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CelebsAndCars Virgins: Seth Rogen & Joseph Gordon-LevittYou know, we could do with a break from supercars -- particularly the Audi R8. Between Audi's well-caffeinated publicity team and the battalion of PR warriors manning the barricades at Paramount Pictures, we can't turn on a freakin' toaster without seeing an ad for Iron Man 2 or its sleek, cabrio...
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Tony Stark Isn't Real, But 'Robert Downey Jr. Innovation Challenge' Doesn't Have The Same Ring Richard ReadWe know, we know: another piece on the Audi R8? Clearly, we are slaves to the Hollywood PR machine -- or in this case, the one rumbling out of Ingolstadt.
But whatever: at least this promotion is...
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Mercedes-Benz Gets All Name-Droppy (We Know: SHOCKING)We get weird things in the mail: love letters, bomb threats, talcum powder that's pretending to be anthrax, except it smells like diaper rash, so, you know, FAIL. We also get press releases. Press releases are frequently dull, occasionally informative, and nine times out of ten, hilarious. But one...
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Today In Celebrity Appearances: Buick Gets DesperateSo let's pretend you're an auto brand -- one that used to project swanky, sexy sophistication, but now the average age of your customers is 72. Now let's pretend that you've finally booted your superstar golphilanderer to the curb, thus freeing up money for other promotions, which have slowly been...
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Teri Hatcher, Desperate HausfrauDear Teri Hatcher: We need answers -- in general, and to the following questions triggered by a peek at the photo linked below: 1) Who's your stylist? 2) Do you know that s/he didn't bother styling you today? 3) No, seriously: your hair looks like a wig that's been pulled from a Walmart bargain bin...
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Hayden Panettiere Is A Big Girl Now!Who's a big girl? Who's a big girl? That's right! You are, Hayden Panettiere! You are! Would you like to drive mommy's car? Huh? You would?! Okay then, big girl! Hop up into the driver's seat! Mommy put down a stack of Yellow Pages so you can reach the wheel! What's that? Oh, that's how we used to...
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Betty White Gets Weepy Over A Cadillac Named 'Parakeet'Okay, seriously: who doesn't love Betty White? She's like the greasemonkey nuns in Sound of Music and that badass granny DJ in Paris, wrapped in an afghan and spritzed with Jean Naté. Sure, she looks nice and sweet and innocent, but then she drops an f-bomb and starts to pop and lock. She's like...
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Of all the ways that companies can advertise, product placement is by far the most hilarious.
Print ads? Totally predictable. Radio, TV, billboards, web banners? Been there, done that.
But product...
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SAT Prep: Mark Wahlberg Is To The MINI Cooper As Justin Timberlake Is To The...?Justin Timberlake has led a charmed life. He started his career on The New Mickey Mouse Club, where he sang, danced, and generally acted a foo' alongside poptartlets like Brit-Brit and Xtina. Then came 'N SYNC and enough earnings to buy the state of Idaho, including its stock of potatoes. That was...
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Cameron Diaz Is Obviously A Class ActFive reasons to love Cameron Diaz, as evinced in the photo linked below: 1) She's not Charlize Theron. 2) She's not Kate Hudson. 3) She's not Blake Lively. 4) She's not Kristen Bell. 5) She's not Sarah Jessica Parker. (Not even close.) 6) She did softcore porn [SFW], then tried to say "Nuh-uh!"...
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Zac Efron Gets A Moving Violation (About Three HIGH SCHOOL MUSICALs Too Late)Twelve things we know for sure: 1) Zac Efron's million-dollar, teen-idol tuches has found a new resting place in an Audi A6, as we see in the photo linked below. 2) Given Zac's previous appearance in an Audi A5, we're not sure this is an upgrade. 3) In fact, it seems a little weird. 4) Zac seems to...
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Sean Connery's S-Class Sedan Is A Little Off-KilterSo apparently, there was some sort of Scottish thing in New York last week: Sean Connery played host to the 7th Annual Dressed To Kilt fashion show at New York City's M2 Ultra Lounge this week. The charity show featured celebrities and athletes wearing Scottish designs and included runway...
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Mischa Barton Ought To Watch Her BackDear Mischa Barton: Your ass has gone rogue. Again. xoxo CelebsandCars [TheSuperficial]
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An imagined conversation between Beyoncé Giselle Knowles and Shawn Corey Carter, inspired by the photo linked below:
Beyonce: What the hell is this?
Jay-Z: You like it? I thought we'd take...
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Kim Kardashian In A Drop Top, Sans BushWe're just going to come right out and say it: Kim Kardashian doesn't make sense. We've seen her on TV, rolling her hair and, occasionally, boxing. We've seen her roll through town in rides that cost more than the average two-bedroom condo in mid-level retirement villages. And we've rolled our eyes...
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Scandal: Adam Carolla Won't Roll In A Corolla During The Toyota Grand PrixScandal rocked CelebsAndCars today -- and by "scandal", we mean a total non-scandal that we completely turned into a fake scandal while we were goofing off in the break room, hopped up on double lattes and day-old cinnamon scones. This is how we amuse ourselves on slow news days. So, what's the...
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Britney Breaks Up With Mercedes, Keeps Creepy Agent/BoyfriendEvery time we see Britney Spears, our interior monologue starts singing nursery rhymes. Example: Little Brit-Brit in that car, How we wonder what you are! Do you come from Crazytown? Or are you playing us for clowns? Either way, you're making bank, You bleached-out, tuneless, redneck skank. Maybe...
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We Think It's Time For A Larry King/Snoop Dogg SitcomOkay, whatever you're doing (and we have some ideas), please stop it. You need to devote your full attention to this clip featuring interviewer extraordinaire Larry King, cruising behind the wheel of a pimped-out 1967 Pontiac Parisienne convertible, owned by none other than the D-O-double-G...
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Regis Philbin & Kelly Ripa Turn Up The Crazy At The 2010 New York Auto ShowOn the one hand, every auto show needs its share of publicity. On the other hand, are Regis and Kelly the kind of publicity every auto show needs? That's a moot question now, since Live! With Regis and Kelly has already scheduled a week full of appearances from hot rides debuting at the 2010 New...
Richard Read