HELLO, PEOPLE OF EARTH:
I am Scarlett Johansson, and yes, I am stunning. Thank you for noticing. (Never mind that I totally lifted my cat-eyes and my up-do from Deneuve circa The Hunger. Like, who would know that? Who was even born then? Old people with their complaining, that's who.)
As I was saying, PEOPLE OF EARTH: the last time you saw me, I was in a Toyota Prius with my husband-to-be. (Who is also stunning, thank you for noticing.) You may think that we put our perfect, perky posteriors in a Prius to ride some sort of greenified bandwagon. But you would be wrong. We leave those dull, mundane, predictable pastimes to the likes of Renee Zellweger.
No, PEOPLE OF EARTH, when ScarJo says that our Planet Earth matters, I do not mean it in some kind of abstract, oh-maybe-I-should-recycle-my-newspaper-and-carry-my-shopping-bags way. I do not mean to say that it would be nice if people (not me, but people) would occasionally take the bus or carpool. I mean that if you don't drive to your nearest auto dealership and purchase a hybrid THIS VERY MOMENT, I will drop a cinderblock through your mother-effin' windshield.
Don't believe me? Take a look at the Lincoln Continental. REMEMBER THE CONTINENTAL.
That is all.
[Inspired by awesome pic at SocialiteLife]