Jessica Alba [via SocialiteLife]

Jessica Alba [via SocialiteLife]

Dear Jessica Alba:

We took a gander at your IMDB profile, and it looks like you've been getting a lot of work lately -- way more than you've had in recent years. Perhaps you've finally recovered from the curse of Dark Angel that's afflicted 99% of your colleagues. Congrats on beating the odds.

However, just because you're busy and important and everything, that doesn't mean you can skip balanced meals. Oh sure, we can hear you now, running out the door at 7am: "It's okay, honey. I'll pick something up on the way to the set." And then you hop into the Lincoln Town Car or the Mercedes-Benz CL or whatever's shuttling you around L.A., and we all know you don't pick anything up. You don't even go near craft services. Look, she may have been before your time, but please googlify Karen Carpenter. Or better yet, check out the film Todd Haynes made about her with Barbie dolls, which you can totally download for free right here. It is a cautionary tale. (And entirely hilarious. But still: cautionary.)

Our advice: next time you're tooling around tinselburg in that bigass GMC Yukon Hybrid, do us all a favor and slide through Mickey D's for an apple pie or two (filling is hot!). Hell, bring along fellow skinnygirl Paris Hilton, if you can. After sharing an order of biggie fries, you can race her in that Escalade Hybrid she was driving a few weeks back. Remember the rule: less clavicle, more carbs.