Britney Spears

Britney Spears

Our reaction to this sad/hilarious photo, with apologies to Paul Laurence Dunbar, Maya Angelou, and Emily Dickinson:

I wonder why the caged bird sings for pop tart Britney Spears,
E'en though his life may soon by fraught with scandals and with jeers....

Is it because he knows he'll never want for seeds or bugs,
Or is he merely whistling at Brit-Brit's fugly Uggs?

He could be chortling with glee at someone's camel toe,
Or maybe it's that G-Wagen, the ride of every ho.

(Is it just us or does it seem Brit just rolled out of bed?
Not that the stupid bird would care, now that Target he's fled.)


The real reason the caged bird likes to sing and belt and croon
is 'cause unlike poor Britney, bitch don't need AutoTune.

P.S. Like every Emily Dickinson poem, you can sing that to the tune of Gilligan's Island. Knowledge is power, y'all.