Oh Lord, you should have bought yourself that Mercedes-Benz. At least then you wouldn't have been in a Northampton crosswalk when you were run down by a 20-year-old woman driving a 2005 Chevy Monte Carlo--or you'd have been safer if you were. What, what?
A man, real name: Lord Jesus Christ, was struck, suffering minor injuries, in a Northampton, Massachusetts crosswalk this week when 20-year old Brittany E. Cantarella failed to yield while making a left-hand turn. She was given a ticket for a moving violation. No word yet on whether she was also issued a ticket straight to hell.
Hit the link below for the full details, such as they are. You really can't make this stuff up.