Dennis Quaid

Dennis Quaid

Here's how drunk driving works for most people:

1. Wake up.

2. Brush teeth, hair.

3. Put on least wrinkled clothes.

4. Head to favorite watering hole. Order drink.

5. Consume.

6. Repeat steps #4 and #5 until everyone in said watering hole looks like a potential bedmate for the evening.

7. Stumble to car, begins driving home.

8. See flashing lights in rearview mirror.

9. Wake up in local jail with throbbing headache.

Here's how drunk driving works for Dennis Quaid and his wife, Kimberly Buffington:

1. Follow steps #1 through #3 above.

2. Stop off at movie premiere en route to restaurant in West Hollywood. Drink many things at said restaurant.

3. Stumble to big, black Cadillac Escalade. Climb in.

4. Have a chat with passing police officer. Think, "Oh yeah. I'm hammered. Driving would be a totally bad idea. Like, 'as-bad-as-this-outfit' bad."

5. Head back inside restaurant, wait for cab. Crash (on bed, not in street).

6. Send hired help to get Escalade next day while nursing hangover.

Sweet, right? And it takes three fewer steps, too. Man, being famous must be awesome.