Mark Wahlberg

Mark Wahlberg

Dear Marky Mark:

Time is a cruel mistress, isn't she? Always in a rush, always aloof. You stop to tie your shoe, and by the time you look up, she's halfway down the block, ducking into Starbucks for another double-shot cappuccino with soy. (As if she needs more energy, right?)

Heck, just look at what she's done in your own life. Your new kids on the block are old news. And your bunch? Even you must admit, they are no longer funky. You aren't even Marky Mark anymore.

Then again, there's something to be said for moving on. Would the 16-year-old drug store cowboy of your youth be able to produce and star in major Hollywood fare? Would he be able to support four kids and a beautiful wife? And, just as importantly, would he be able to afford a Bentley Azure?

In case you're a little sleepy (because Time didn't grab any coffee for you), the answers are no, no, and probably not, but he'd be very familiar with the scene at left, wherein LA's finest are pulling you and your Azure to the curb for rolling through a stop sign.

Maybe that was just forgetfulness, or maybe it was intentional. Either way, we like to think you've still got a sliver of badass in you.