T-Pain's 1991 Cadillac hearse

T-Pain's 1991 Cadillac hearse

Here's what we know for sure:

1) T-Pain is a pretty funny guy. Funny ha-ha, not funny hmm-hmm. Though he has his moments.

2) T-Pain's music isn't what we'd call The Bomb, but we've been known to bob our heads to it, even though we are sworn enemies of Auto-Tune and the legions of Ke$has and Heidi Montags it has wrought.

3) T-Pain has had two brushes with the law, according to Wikipedia -- one for performing too long at music festival, and the other for driving with a suspended license. But of course, TP wouldn't have had a suspended license if he hadn't had another, un-Wikipediaed brush with the law. Which means that T-Pain has proven that Wikipedia does NOT know all. Which makes T-Pain like the guy who showed you that photo of Peter Mayhew getting into costume on the Star Wars set, and you realized that Chewbacca was just some tall guy in a fur suit: so sad.

4) T-Pain apparently went to the Superbowl in Miami a couple of weeks ago.

5) T-Pain apparently drove down to Miami in a murdered-out, orange and baby blue, 1991 Cadillac hearse.

6) T-Pain's hearse is called Danielle Marino, since cars, like ships, are always named after The Ladiez.

7) T-Pain has some exceptionally cray-cray shiznit all slung up in Danielle. Like, a small department store's worth of TV monitors and speakers. And also: a casket on a motorized track that opens to reveal an effigy of T-Pain himself. He gets bonus points for color-coordinating the hearse, the coffin, and the corpse. Someone has an eye for detail.

Bottom line: if Disney ever needs to hip-hopify the Haunted Mansion, they could do worse than giving T-Pain a ring. Catch T-Pain's self-guided tour of Danielle below (which is safer-for-work than it sounds):