Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen

Well, this doesn't sound suspicious AT ALL:

A car that plunged down the side of Mulholland Drive on Friday morning is owned by actor Charlie Sheen, who reported the vehicle stolen, authorities said.

Sheen called police about 5:15 a.m. to report a possible burglar on the premises of his Sherman Oaks home, said Los Angeles police Officer Bruce Borihanh.

“That’s a hot prowl -- as in, ‘I think there’s someone in my garage,’” Borihanh said.

The car, a Mercedes four-door sedan, was found 300 feet to 400 feet down near the 13300 block of Mulholland Drive in Beverly Crest, said LAPD Det. Bill Bustos.

Police and fire crews found the car badly damaged just after 4 a.m., but no one was found in or around it. A search was ongoing.

Now, sure, you might consider it weird that someone would break into the garage of a deeply troubled, rehab-friendly actor, steal his car, make a bee-line to the nearest cliff face, step out, and shove the damn thing off the edge. You might also wonder about the fact that Sheen reported the burglary-in-progress an hour and a half after the car was found. And of course, we wouldn't blame you if you thought this incident might have something to do with Sheen's trainwreck of a divorce from his second wife and/or the assault charges he's facing for threatening his third wife with a knife on Christmas Day.

But of course, those are mere distractions from the real weirdness, which is the fact that Mr. Insecurity von Crazypants drives a Mercedes-Benz S-class.