Shia LaBeouf

Shia LaBeouf

No, your eyes don't deceive you: that is, in fact, Shia LaBeouf preparing to ride shotgun. In a Ford Ranger. No crew cab, no high-end detailing. It might even be a stick shift.

Also note his attire: a run-of-the-mill T-shirt-and-jeans ensemble. And wait just a minute -- is that generic coffee in a plain, unmarked cup? Possibly even...styrofoam?

Clearly someone has let his worshipers get the best of him.

Not so long ago, Shia was cruising in fast cars, getting into fights, and starring in big-budget, GM-sponsored, Hollywood special effects fiascoes that were, not surprisingly, about cruising in fast cars and getting into fights. Then came word that Shia was at the center of a new religion, and, well, he's never been the same.

Shia, we're sure you're a nice guy and everything -- you know, kind of a douchebag, but nice-ish. However, you are not our messiah. You are not our me-shia. In fact, we doubt you're anyone's messiah/meshia. We have a suspicion that the whole thing was just a moderately elaborate internet prank. You can't walk on water, you can't save terrible films from terrible reviews, so there's no need for you to live an ascetic, humble lifestyle. There's no need for you to have any sort of inner life at all. You, Shia LaBeouf, have been spiritually punk'd.

Now let's make a deal: you stop being all nice and normal and go back to being a jerk like the rest of your Hollywood cohorts, and we won't tell your good friends in GM that you're a big ol' traitor. Shake?