Nicole Snooki Polizzi
A year ago, the thought of Oompa-Loompas made us smile. Sure, they were a little creepy, what with their bite-size stature and fake bake-gone-terribly-wrong tan jobs, but whatever: they had their place in our crusty childhood hearts.
Then came Jersey Shore.
We don't exactly know how Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi escaped from Willy Wonka's magical mystery sweatshop. Maybe she hid out in the back of Veruca Salt's Cadillac Escalade (follow the link) when they dragged the brat's brittle corpse off to the morgue. Maybe Snooki ate her way through the bars. (They're only chocolate, after all.) Or maybe that Bumpit is a lethal weapon.
Whatever. The girl is now on the loose, and even the police can't seem to rein her in. The best they seem able to do is charging her with being annoying. And we're like, (a) that's a real charge?, and (b) we've known she was annoying for a really long time, so what in the everlasting gobstopper is this court case going to prove?