Here is what we've learned today:

A) Newt Gingrich is still alive.

B) Someone at Esquire thinks he's still relevant.

C) In the late 1990s, at the same time Gingrich was raking Bill Clinton over the coals for his cigar-themed indiscretions, lizard man was having his own adulterous smoke breaks with Callista Bisek, a congressional aide. Apparently, there was a backdoor clause in his Contract with America.

Speaking of backdoors, when Newt told his then-wife Marianne about item C, he used a truly awful car metaphor to make Marianne feel better:

"There's somebody else, isn't there?"

She kind of guessed it, of course. Women usually do. But did she know the woman was in her apartment, eating off her plates, sleeping in her bed?

She called a minister they both trusted. He came over to the house the next day and worked with them the whole weekend, but Gingrich just kept saying she was a Jaguar and all he wanted was a Chevrolet. " 'I can't handle a Jaguar right now.' He said that many times. 'All I want is a Chevrolet.' "

Strange and ironic words from the mouth of a Teabagger, no?

[Esquire via Gawker via Marty]