Ryan Seacrest

Ryan Seacrest

Hi, everybody! I'm Ryan Seacrest! You may remember me from such TV programs as American Idol and Bromance. That's a funny name, right? "Bromance"? It's like when two guys hang out a lot and really dig each other. BUT NOTHING ELSE.

Would you like to see my girlfriend? Here she is, in the picture at the link below! On the seat! Next to me! There is a console in the middle of this Aston Martin thingy that keeps our butts from touching and stuff, but she's totally 100% my girlfriend!

She even has a name: Julianne! Julianne Hough. I think it rhymes with "puff". Which is something I definitely do not do. Smoking is bad! Usually.

But really: can you see her? I bought this car specifically so people could see her. Here, let me drop the top. Better?

What was that? No, she's not going to drop her own top! She is a respectable girl. Could you imagine her doing anything like that? I couldn't. Well, maybe if we got married, but whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm a busy guy! A swinging bachelor! No time for strings. I'm like George Michael -- but not in that way, you know, just like in that "Young Guns" song: "Young guns, having some fun/Crazy ladies keep 'em on the run/Wise guys realize there's danger in emotional ties." That stuff. Wild and crazy guy? That's me!

Okay, gotta run. I need to show off Janice -- I mean Julianne -- a little more before I head to Palm Springs for a weekend with my boys. Um, men. I mean, dudes. Friends. JUST FRIENDS.