It's the end of July, which means that summer is quickly coming to a close, which leaves us feeling a little wistful -- a little introspective. And so, we're doing some soul-searching, asking questions of ourselves we might not ordinarily ask. Such as:
1. Why do we watch reality television?
2. More to the point: why do we watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey?
3. Why do we know the housewives by name?
4. Why are they called "housewives" when several of them aren't even wives?
5. Why, Maya Angelou, do the housewives always sing?
6. Did these women have to do something unseemly to Andy Cohen to get on the show? (Unlikely.) Or were they cast just because they're total nutjobs? (Bingo.)
7. How did Kim Granatell end up on there? She's not Italian, and from what we can tell, everyone in New Jersey is Italian, meaning that they must've imported her from, say, Maryland. You know: the home of crabs.
8. Why does she go by "Kim G" when "Granatell" is a perfectly lovely, polysyllabic name?
9. Who is Tom Murro, and what the bejeebus is his obsession with appearing in photos with celebs? (Note the banner image on his website, which is 97% hilarious and 3% just plain sad.)
10. Has Kim G taken Tom as her current boytoy?
11. If not, why has she let him behind the wheel of her fairly luxurious, Ferrari F430 Spider?
12. Is it because he -- like many Ferrari owners -- needs to compensate for something?
13. If so, why did Kim pick him as a boytoy in the first place?
14. Most importantly of all: is Peter Falk still alive? Because only he can tell us why we care about any of these people at all.