Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jay Leno [via USA Today]

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jay Leno [via USA Today]

Man With Steering Wheel: ...And this, of course, is the steering wheel.

Jay Leno: Ordinarily, that's connected to the car, right?

MWSW: Ach! You Americans. Such kopfschmerzen you give me. How do you put up with it, Arnold?

Arnold Schwarzenegger: ...Huh?

MWSW: I asked how you put up with all the dummkopfen in your new homeland.

Jay: Actually, I was making a joke.

MWSW: Is that so? Please to be leaving the joke-making to the professionals like your governor and Mr. Hasselhoff.

Jay: You know that I'm a comedian, right?

MWSW: Gott im himmel! Is this true, Arnie?

Arnold: ...Huh?

MWSW: (Slapping Arnold across the face) ARNOLD ALOIS SCHWARZENEGGER! I am talking to you!

Arnold: But I am sad, Man With Steering Wheel.

MWSW: Oh, excuse me, is little Arnie Schwarzenegger needing to be crying into his flowerbed instead of paying attention to me as I explain the entirely awesome Porsche 918 spyder EV to this grinning, big-chinned schwachkopf here?  Would you like for me to make you some cocoa and sing to you the many forgotten verses of 99 Luftballons?

Arnold: Even Nene cannot make me happy, Man With Steering Wheel. I had to perform...uncredited! (Sobs)

MWSW: Was ist das? (Turning to Leno) You -- you with the chin! Why is he crying?

Jay: Well, I'm just guessing here, but it's probably because he feels left out of The Expendables.

MWSW: This was an opera of some kind?

Jay: A movie. Being the governor, he couldn't take on a big role, so he had to leave all the good stuff to Stallone and Statham and Jet Li and Lundgren --

MWSW: Lundgren? You mean Hollywood gave preference to some Swede over Arnie? What a terrible, terrible fate!

Arnold: Actually, am sad about this suit.

MWSW: The suit is fine, liebling. As long as you are on a golf course.

Arnold: But it does not match my hair color as I had planned.

Jay: You know, letting yourself go gray isn't such a bad thing.

Arnold: I am such a failure.

[USAToday via Joel]