And yea, it came to pass in the year of our Lord and Lady Gaga 2010 that Manny "Poopy Pants" Ramirez, multiple Silver Slugger and erstwhile doper, did solemnly and graciously sacrifice his prized 1994 Porsche 911 to eBay, with proceeds divided, like the waters of the great Red Sea, to charities of notable repute: ThinkCure! and Maryville.

But woe, woe, woe to the House of Ramirez, for the auction did fail to reach the Porsche's recently appraised value of $58,000. And the earth shook, and the skies did rumble, and lo, the winning bidder did ride off into yonder sunset with the limited-edition 954 Turbo 3.6 for a bargain-basement price of just $50,100. And Ramirez did certainly say, "Yo, this economic recession bullcrap sucks."

And verily, the identity of that winner did remain veiled as thickly as Salome's nether regions at the start of that historic dance [NSFW] that began with a one-a and a two-a and ended with John the Baptist's head on a Gorham silver platter. Which of course means that (a) we'll be seeing that car again sometime soon, probably on an auction block, and (b) Salome was one heck of a go-go girl.