Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt

Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt

We haven't heard much from professional blonds Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag since their wedding last April, when the beast commonly known as "Speidi" officially became one in the eyes of the law. Since the merger, we assume the happy couple have spent their time enjoying one-another's company, admiring one-another's genitalia, and whipping out their sterling silver magnifying glasses (matching, from Tiffany's Frank Gehry collection) to read the fine print in those pesky prenup contracts. As a result, it's been pretty quiet in famewhore land.

We are sad to report that the publicity lull has ended.

As you may or may not know, Heidi recently posed for Playboy -- not in the nude, to many folks' surprise -- and now that the issue has hit the stands, she's hit the streets to shill it. Meanwhile, Spencer has been seen in public celebrating his birthday with a cake (almost) the size and shape of an AK-47. And with them have come the paparazzi, the flashbulbs, and the endless chatter from entertainment media. Heidi and Spencer may believe that bigger is better, but apparently no photo op is too small.

Ordinarily, this wouldn't bother us -- heck, in the city that made Angelyne vaguely famous, celebutantes come with the territory. However, there's something vaguely disconcerting about these two: she's a nearly nude model (named Heidi, no less), he's a poster boy for the NRA, and they drive a sleek, black Porsche Cayenne through the streets of Los Angeles while plotting their takeover of the world and its precious, precious media.... Blond or not, someone's Aryan roots may be starting to show.