Yes, you: the guy who's been in a coma and living under a hubcap since November? You might be surprised to know that General Motors has ended its (purely platonic) relationship with Tiger Woods -- the one whereby Woods received free GM vehicles on loan. It appears the romance officially crumbled on December 31, 2009, but GM just got around to telling us. The company assures us that the breakup had been on Tiger's calendar for months and had nothing to do with his disintegrating marriage to Elin Nordegren or his relationship with all those strippers. Anyway, we thought you'd like to know.
To everyone else: we're sorry, but it's a slow news day. If anybody sees Gwyneth Paltrow stumbling nude from the backseat of a Toyota Prius, by all means let us know. We're sure Miley Cyrus has done the same thing, like, 20 times over, but until Miss Party In The USA reaches adulthood, we ain't touching it.