Katy Perry

Katy Perry

Katy Perry, we're so on the fence about you.

One of the Boys? Pretty delicious confection there. Our editors truly believe the bass line on "I Kissed a Girl" is 20 years ahead of its time. And no doubt, the insanely catchy riff of "Waking up In Vegas" is the new musical earwig, sure to haunt us like the decision not to sleep with Betty White when she was still hot.

More proof: your spanky lil' 2009 Audi A5, in smart black. It contrasts nicely with your Goth-white gams, and its retro-garde good looks sync perfectly with the Elvira boots and micromini. (We'd quote your T-shirt, but this is a family site.)

You're a tantalizing prospect. A bit of a Gwen Stefani, if she were raised by Joan Jett in a Hot Topic somewhere in the Imperial Valley.

Here's our problem. We've seen you canoodling with Russell Brand as of late. In case no one warned you, he's just awful. We'd rather see you wearing Russell athletic gear, or channeling Nipsey Russell. Hell, apply at Headline News and become the next Lynne Russell if you have to. Whatever it takes. Anyone who calls themselves an "S&M Willy Wonka" and seems to teeter on the edge of sex addiction on live TV can't be a good career companion for your semi-clean-living image.

The matching outfits are cute, though. Maybe you can shave him down and get him into counseling.