Right To Work laws are a big issue in the national political scene these days, even up at the North Pole, it seems. You might think the famous reindeer that pull Santa's sleigh have excellent job security based on name recognition alone, but Lexus is looking to put them out of work with the Lexus Flying Luxury Cruiser, or LFLC--not to be confused with the only slightly less imaginary LF-LC.
The reindeer aren't taking it lying down. In fact, they've harnessed their collective bargaining power in protest of the new sleigh, which would replace the reindeer, from Dasher to Rudolph, with just one vehicle.
An "800 reindeerpower" LFLC sleigh, with an advanced Lexus Hybrid Drive system that "creates fewer emissions than even a single reindeer," to be precise.
To be fair, the new sleigh does offer many features not found in the average magical flying reindeer. Things like blind spot monitoring with rear cross-traffic alert; advanced pre-collision system; navigation; Lexus Enform with Pandora; and a "large, red LED and infrared light with stereo cameras for the front of his sleigh so he can see on a foggy night without Rudolph."
The reindeer are understandably upset over this development. Alternative flying gift-givers are not hiring, what with the economy and all, and the specialized skill set of a flying reindeer comes with attendant costs of certification, licensing, and continuing education that can result in large amounts of debt. The result: this holiday season may well be merry for everyone but these nine reindeer.
Explaining their oddly heartless decision, delivered so close to the holiday itself, Mark Templin, Lexus' General Manager, and Santa gave the following statements.
- “I know Lexus delivers the best customer experience in the industry, so I called to see if they could help me out,” said Santa. “I needed a self-propelled sleigh with every bell and whistle to complete my task of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls around the world.”
- “When we got the call from Santa, we immediately sprang into action,” said Templin. “We couldn’t bear the thought of leaving the big guy high and dry. Our elves and engineers are proud to introduce the ‘Lexus Flying Luxury Cruiser,’ or LFLC for short.”
- “I can’t thank Lexus enough for making sure all the girls and boys around the world have a great Christmas,” said Santa, with a twinkle in his eye. “You’ll go down in history.”
Neither spoke a word about the struggles of the reindeer and their children, or how they'll make it through to next winter without a paying job this season.
Rudolph, acting as spokesman for the North Pole Reindeer's Local No. 1, released the following statement: "Today's announcement by Santa and Lexus regarding the displacement of our entire workforce saddens us all. We can only hope Mrs. Claus will step in and speak some sense to the Big Guy, as our livelihood depends on continued employment this season. We are willing to discuss upgrades to our training and perhaps even a reduction in benefits, but this needs to take place after we've completed our duties for 2012."
Speaking on condition of anonymity, another of the reindeer made a markedly less conciliatory statement. "If that thing tries to take off, both Lexus and Santa may be in for a big surprise. We reindeer have picked up a thing or two about how to make--and how to sabotage--machinery from the elves."
The North Pole Department of Homeland Security is now questioning all nine reindeer in an undisclosed location, and is asking locals to come forward with any knowledge they may have of a potential terror cell in the area.