Hi, Melanie Griffith! Do you have a sec? We have a couple questions for you:
1. We hear you've checked into rehab. In Utah. (We suppose that if anyplace knows how to do rehab, it's probably Utah.) But are you getting clean and sober for yourself, or are you doing it for Antonio? Because if you're not doing it for yourself, lady, you can hang it up. As our grandparents used to say, it ain't gonna take.
2. In this photo here, it says you're en route to a salon. Is that true? If so, we have a suggestion or two. Like, maybe try some hair color. You know, any hair color other than the L'Oreal #237 "Curious Chicken Fat Yellow" that you've been using for the past decade. It's starting to look a little desperate. And the Melanie Griffith we know -- proud daughter of Tippi Hedren -- is not a desperate woman.
3. We can't help but notice you're putting quarters into a parking meter. Frankly, we're shocked. We didn't think Beverly Hills still had meters. We also didn't think you'd be the sort of person who'd visit the salon without valet. Props to you for keeping it real.
4. Which vehicle is yours? We see that Mercedes Benz R350 4MATIC to your right, but come on. Really? Surely that sleek, sexy, black Bentley Continental GT is more befitting for a Hollywood cougar like you than some garden-variety station wagon. Take that as a compliment.
Good luck with that career. And those lips. No, we can't tell you had them done at all.