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Usher Goes To Mall, Someone Steals $1 Million In Stuff From His 2007 GMC Yukon

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2007 GMC Yukon SLE

2007 GMC Yukon SLE

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You know what,  Usher? You're kind of awesome.

Not, like, awesome-awesome, but still: we're into you. You've managed to dodge the Kanye ego-bullet, you've avoided name issues like a certain P-Diddy, aka Puff Daddy, aka Piddles, aka Sean John. You have formidable abdominal muscles, and we even like your music.

However, we think that maybe you have enough money from your music and endorsements and such that you can perhaps invest in a safety deposit box and not leave "five watches, three necklaces, two rings and six bracelets valued at $1 million as well as a Louis Vuitton garment bag worth $3,000 and $50,000 in assorted clothing" stashed in your 2007 GMC Yukon. Hell, you could probably build a new wing onto your house to store all that -- unlike most of us, who have to shove far less than $1,065,700 worth of crap into cramped bedrooms, dens, and junk drawers.

We're also confused by the fact that this happened while you were (a) out shopping (b) at an AT&T store (c) at Lenox Square mall in Atlanta. Don't you have someone to shop for you? Do you really need to go to a mall? Who goes to malls anymore? Doesn't your presence trigger some kind of security event? And why the hell would you go to the AT&T store in person? Personally, we would rather have our toenails slowly ripped from our feet by rabid Dachshunds high on chocolate milk than visit an AT&T shop. We're sure you have an iPhone: JUST CALL APPLE. THEY'RE FRIENDLY. Or better yet: order that shiznit online. Yo, seriously.

[WinnipegFreePress]

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