Kate Middleton
Kate Middleton will arrive at Westminster Abbey for her April 29 wedding in the very same 1977 Rolls-Royce Phantom VI that was recently attacked by protesters angry with Prince Chuckles and Camilla. And she'll leave the ceremony in the same wedding carriage that carted the late Princess Diana off to her rocky royal marriage.
As omens go, that's like crossing the path of a black cat that's treading the cracks of a broken mirror underneath a ladder on Friday the 13th during a performance of Macbeth starring the cast of Poltergeist. So, you know, good luck with that, Katie.
The Rolls, as you might recall, was splattered with paint by students angry with a government plan to triple university tuition. As Chuck and Camilla arrived at the Royal Variety Show, the protesters shouted things like, "Off with their heads!" -- which was fine for Camilla, who's never been particularly beloved, but as the future queen of England, we hope Katie doesn't have the same experience on her Big Day. (We suppose the royal family could've chucked the Rolls in the rubbish bin, but everyone's feeling green these days, so the royal greasemonkeys repainted it just for Kate.)
Charles and Camilla left their affair (the Variety Show, we mean) in an armored police van. Kate, on the other hand, will leave her wedding in the 1902 State Landau that carried Charles and Di off to their matrimonial "bliss".
As inauspicious as all this sounds, there is hope. After all, if things do go south between Billy and Kate, she can always follow Fergie's example -- the first Fergie, the real one -- and get fat, then shill for Weight Watchers. Who wouldn't look forward to that?