BMW’s new M550d xDrive is forbidden fruit for those of us in the U.S., and once again it appears that the Germans are keeping the best toys for customers on the other side of the pond.

On paper, there’s a lot to like about the M550d xDrive. It’s got a new TwinPower triple-turbo system that force-feeds air into the 3.0-liter diesel engine, helping it produce 381 horsepower and 546 pound-feet of torque.

Ensuring that force is translated into forward thrust instead of tire smoke, BMW has equipped the M550d with its xDrive all-wheel-drive system, then given the car M-specific suspension tuning and a redline just north of 5,000 rpm. That’s impressive for a diesel engine, and it helps the M550d run from 0-60 mph in just 4.7 seconds.

As Chris Harris points out, the M550d isn’t a rival to the M5, but it may well be the better autobahn cruiser. Even at the electronically-governed top speed of 155 mph, the big oil-burning sedan is quiet, composed and happy to run at the limit as long as there’s diesel in the tank.

We won’t spoil Harris’ full take on the car, but we’ll warn you in advance that the video contains an attempt at crude-and-juvenile humor (which is only funny in its utter failure) and contains some not-safe-for-work language when the credits roll at the end. If you’re easily offended, this may not be the video for you.