In chillier parts of the country, you might not believe it, but summer is a-comin'. And of course, with summer come action films. And with action films come fast cars, scantily clad women, and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Add all that together, carry the one, and you've got the new trailer for Fast Five:
Is it just us, or have the producers totally stopped trying to make this franchise make sense? Granted, Michael Bay gave up about 15 minutes into Transformers 2: ROFL, so we suppose the Fast and the Furious folks deserve props for hanging on this long. And yet, it's rare for a two-minute trailer to raise so many pressing questions. At the top of our list:
1. Why is it called Fast Five when there are at least six (or seven, or eight) thieves? Are some of them slow? We know it's the fifth film of the series, but must we sacrifice everything for the sake of alliteration?
2. So as we understand it, the team's gong to Brazil to carry out a bank robbery using cars? Are these plots written by committee?
3. If so, can we be on the next committee? We could use the extra pocket money.
4. A note to the aforementioned committee: a heist of "$100 million" doesn't carry the ring it once did. (It will also be significantly less than $100 million once it's been converted from Brazilian reais. Those mudança counters take a hefty commission.)
5. Do the police in Rio really drive VW Golfs? (We swear there's one at :36.)
6. Would you be offended if we made "Mission Impossible to Mission In-freakin-sanity" (1:33) our ringtone? That's hilarious. Perhaps unintentionally.
