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Hollywood Is Bored: Celebrities Driving Safe, Predictable Snoozemobiles

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Jason Statham

Jason Statham

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Here is a list of things that would be surprising:

1. Anne Heche making a comeback.

2. Weapons of mass destruction discovered in Britney Spears' bonus room.

3. Certain members of our staff not standing in line for the newest Apple-branded colostomy bag (or whatever proprietary whirligig they're selling this week).

Here are some things that are not surprising:

1. Oprah making money.

2. Julia Roberts and Gwyneth Paltrow battling for the title of Most Blissed-Out.

3. Jason Statham in a traffic-cone orange Lamborghini Murcielago.

Take a look at this list of "The  20 Coolest Celebrity Cars of All Time". If that's not a cure for insomnia, what is, people? A six-pack of Five-Hour Energy couldn't keep  Stevie Nicks awake after that. (Not that the junk works anyway, but you know what we're saying.)

Look, we want to see Betty White in a Volkswagen Bus. Penelope Cruz in a Pontiac Aztec. Huey Lewis in a Ford Pinto, which is subsequently set on fire and pushed off a cliff into a pool of mechanical sharks with piranhas for teeth. Something -- anything -- out of the ordinary.

Sylvester Stallone in a Rolls-Royce Phantom? Dude's plastic surgery adventures are more exciting than that.

[Sub5Zero via Eric]

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Comments (4)
  1. Dude, you are CRANKY ... bring back Britney! Bring back misbehaving panty-less starlets on drugs! Enough with other poeple's lists, can't you do one of your own?
     
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  2. I only care about Jay Leno's car collection.
     
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  3. It must be nice to have so much money to buy whatever they want....
     
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  4. Don't some of these celebs ever want to be under the radar? A Hollywood star in an Aveo? That would be shocking.
     
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    Bad stuff?

 

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