Screencap of Lady Gaga & Beyonce in the video for 'Telephone'
Screencap of Lady Gaga & Beyonce in the video for 'Telephone'Enlarge Photo
An imagined conversation between Beyoncé Giselle Knowles and Shawn Corey Carter, inspired by the photo linked below:
Beyonce: What the hell is this?
Jay-Z: You like it? I thought we'd take it out for a night on the town. I'm in an empire state of mind, baby. Heh.
Beyonce: (Pauses, cocks eyebrow) I said, "What the hell is this", clown?
Jay-Z: It's my new Jeep Wrangler Unlimited -- just like my love, honey: unlimited.
Jay-Z: What's the matter, B? I thought you'd dig it.
Beyonce: Well, for starters, getting up in this joint is like maneuvering up a climbing wall at the gym.
Jay-Z: I wouldn't know about all that.
Beyonce: Second of all, I am wearing coochie-shorts and heels -- Louboutins, dammit.
Jay-Z: Like in that J-Lo song?
Beyonce: WHAT THE HELL HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT MENTIONING HER NAME IN MY PRESENCE? The junkalicious booty has always been MY gimmick, and that putana con queso came slithering out of her barrio and tried to steal it. Now that Kardashian hooker is gunning for me, too --when will it end?!
Jay-Z: Hey, B: did you ever notice that J-Lo and Jay-Z kinda sound alike. Like, if she married me, she's be J-Z, too.
Beyonce: (Grabbing him by the stick shift) MENTION HER NAME AGAIN, AND THIS HUNK OF REDNECK METAL GOES FROM MANUAL TO AUTOMATIC.
Jay-Z: What does that even mean?
Beyonce: Try me and find out.
Jay-Z: I, um.... No.
Beyonce: I thought so.... And on top of everything, you went and bought a WHITE Jeep. You know I look better with a little color near my face. You couldn't have gone with something brighter, like a red or yellow?
Jay-Z: We could always call up Gaga and she if she still has the Pussywagon. I wouldn't mind riding around in that tonight, you know. Heh, heh.
Beyonce: Oh, I think you've taken your last ride in that for a good, long while. Now get me to a Carvel -- this ass ain't gonna stay full and perky on its own.