Imagine the Potential of a 2012 Tesla Model S With Bose Electromagnetic Suspension

By Sam Pritchett

Sam Pritchett

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Imagine the Potential of a 2012 Tesla Model S With Bose Electromagnetic Suspension
Calling all cars... dispatch has just received an alert regarding an emerging coup de foudre... Read More

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2,099 views Jan 3, 2010

Calling all cars... dispatch has just received an alert regarding an emerging coup de foudre pandemic for which the CDC has confirmed Tesla Motors as the ground zero source. Symptoms include exhilaration, light-headedness; near total loss of anxiety & inhibition and in some cases sporadic lead-foot tendencies.

Researchers have found this pandemic, although dormant throughout modern history, is inherent in the human genome where it can be activated through compelling green technology innovation. It appears the catalyst has been Tesla Motors demonstration that an EV company can be a viable enterprise today with existing green technologies. Researchers indicate that in view of its recent activation through Tesla Motors unveiling of the planned 2012 Tesla Model S, this pandemic will likely spread throughout all industrialized countries.




In response, unnamed sources within the petroleum industry have stated that this outbreak can be effectively quarantined by surrounding each existing Tesla Model S vehicle with 2,000 petroleum burning vehicles as well as surrounding the Tesla Motors Menlo Park facility with 20,000 additional petroleum burning vehicles. The petroleum industry's plan is to produce such an extensive and impenetrable CO2 fog around each Tesla Model S that all humans previously exposed to this pandemic will ultimately believe their experiences were mere mirages and all symptoms will cease, thereby exterminating the pandemic soon after initial vehicles are produced.

However, a senior CDC spokesperson does not believe in the efficacy of the petroleum industrys eradication plans. Specifically, this senior CDC spokesperson said the problem is rooted in Tesla Motors exposure of the human population to this compelling five passenger green technology contagion, which will soon become irrevocably entrenched in the human experience since Teslas vehicles are also effective hosts to many green/emerging technology contagion cousins.

When pressed for further details, the senior CDC spokesperson said Tesla's in-vehicle high-voltage electric power distribution network can host a wide range of phenomenal technologies that also feed on electricity establishing a symbiotic environment for culturing emerging contagion cousins. One such technology comes from an unlikely company, Bose; who has developed an phenominal electromagnetic suspension system  (see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kl8LU2JwcMg) in which a vehicle's suspension system characteristics are limited primarily by the imagination of the programmers who encode its properties.

The Bose suspension video actually demonstrates a vehicle equipped with this suspension jumping a hurdle.. attaching a whole new meaning to 100 meter hurdle competitions! The CDC spokesperson cited the potential for a 2012 Model S Tesla that couples a five seat version of Tesla's unparalleled torque & acceleration with the phenominal handling, responsiveness & adaptability of Boses electromagnetic suspension, yielding a sports car with unmatched performance, PERIOD... regardless of how many doors or ponies/joules are under the hood! The spokesperson further opines that drivers behind the wheel of this Bose suspension equipped Tesla Model S will likely start to mistake their actual EV experiences with some immersive virtual reality because of its appaarent ability to defy physics... adding even more symptoms to this rapidly spreading EV pandemic.

In addition, by augmenting Tesla's regenerative braking system with Siemens VDOs Electronic Wedge Brakes (see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8Ta4n32tBs) the vehicle's entire hydraulic system can be removed, making this EV even greener. In summary, it appears that in spite of the petroleum industry's relentless lobbying efforts, spin, obfuscation and misdirection; the White House will soon have no choice but to authorize a new world-wide EV pandemic directorate at the CDC.